Roars the Ghost


Btw, I don’t sit around reading poetry. I’m not into it at all. I don’t read anything, I already did. I used to but realized all the time I was wasting on other people’s opinions- especially when I’d met the authors or see their tell all picture on the inside cover. What a waste of time. I realized, decided that reading was useless because I knew everything already I just had to access and so I meditated instead, for hours and hours- like 10-12 hours daily. For a long time. Sure, I went insane, was very creepy, yet alert. The invisible worlds took over my pursuit, and most were not friendly. Was “God” there? I guess, but mostly it was just astral beings, demons, dead people trying to get access to me. I am a channel in case you didn’t know. I can embody and become anything or anyone. It’s not a spiritual thing, it’s just how I was born. So they wanted in, told me to be their host, threatened me, gnawed at my heart like piranha. I kept it going, of course divine forces always watch and protect when they can but that doesn’t mean the challenges won’t be there. I was afraid to sleep, when I closed my eyes I saw a big black hole and I thought I might slip into it and disappear forever. Sounds stupid, I know but it was real to me- in that mind space. Crazy things happen. And I had notebooks. Dozens of notebooks. They would talk all night in my ear, my head- information, poetry, heaven and hell words/worlds and I wrote it all down like a lunatic possessed person. This all may have started shortly after my electrocution, lightening- we don’t know. But it was real and I even knew the future. But I couldn’t navigate it so it was useless. For example, one day I just blurted this name out of my mouth. I didn’t know why, I was vacuuming and the name popped out. I thought hmmm, my boyfriend said who’s Buford…? I said I don’t know. The next day, a man by that name -first and last- walked into an abortion clinic and shot a bunch of people including himself dead. Had I known what it meant, it might have mattered but who would believe me, nobody does and why was I connecting to a killer anyway? I’ve got death on my hands. My father was a killer, haunted by demons down to the very end. That’s why I went there, after not seeing him in 13 years. I didn’t know he was dying- consciously but I just decided one day for no reason at all. I’m like, we need to move to Idaho right now. (We were living in LA) and we did. And he found out a month after we got there that he was dying and two months later he was dead. It was horrific, I was there, I took as much as I could from him, the fear, evil and darkness- not on purpose, but love and connection makes us do wild things and I paid the price with my own life several years later. I had a dream about it, I had known what I’d done. Bhagavan Das helped a lot and my mind and soul was healed on a deeper level- because I couldn’t stop it. The pain of imagined sin, the killer who killed him back. The Vietnamese ghosts of women and children, the full death moon that hung from the jungle sky. I knew, I remembered, I saw through his eyes. It’s fucked up, it’s destiny that feels like fate. It’s the end of the end. It’s the last leg of the race. It’s Chod, my belief in the knife and how to appease, befriend the demons. We need them, their help. The catch is, we must be the leader, not them- and I don’t mean black magic, I mean understanding the other worlds. Developing the sensitivity, the shaman’s power to pierce the veil- only then, can we see the real reason or solution to anything. So it’s not easy and initiation into those worlds happens through near death, dying while alive, terrifying experiences of self discovery and self annihilation. No, you don’t choose, you are chosen. By your works, deeds, past, and willingness to go out onto the bitter edge of human life. To leave the center of the safe family circle. To open the secrets hidden in your blood, to become invisible to materialism itself.

And so my message is complicated because it’s a puzzle too perplexing to solve without giving up control over result or destination. Without plan or safety, we walk the precipice alone. We of course need the profound support of those who have been there already. If we’re blessed we’ll recognize the calling and meet the messenger. We will clear our own way and move deeply into the mouth of the hot jungle. She is calling you. If you listen it will be scary but easier, if you don’t it will take longer, you’ll think she went away and then you’ll be eaten by a lion. You’ll then get another chance but you likely won’t take it until you realize, there is nowhere to hide from the ghost lion, nowhere but inside her stomach after it’s over. We get out by becoming a ghost lion, not getting eaten but eating ourselves and the fear of full moons overhead when the enemy can find you and slice open your viable throat, drink your blood and call it a day. It’s a game, a war only one by merging with her demonic, otherworldly, horrifying obliterating fury. The haze of this human life in the mirror is that we must go there or stay on the same level, or lower forever. There is no time or space but there is plenty of room and moments to suffer while we create our own pain. A way to skirt around the hole, a way to go the other way. Only one road leaves the jungle. She travels that road with you in her stomach. Be her and when you are, be ready to be Black Death, the drinking night moon, the teller of time. As it stands. We know the clock in the ground that pounds beneath our hollow feet. We feel the pulse. We taste the salt of blood. We know. We all know the charade. Stop pretending you’re not just like me and go kill a fear. Eat the heart, pumping blood with a vengeance. Listen closely to the voices inside the red giver. The red river of blood, it’s our body. It’s all her. The Ghost Lioness. Lion, my body. Rocks and water. In the deep hot jungle of her mouth where others fear to go, into me, her astral vision, her luminous empty body. Theย bliss of the bite. “Lion, eat my soul!”

Roars the Ghost, Sharada Devi


29 thoughts on “Roars the Ghost”

    1. Thank you, forest dweller, white wolf dawn.
      Star in my eyes, looking for home in a place with no walls. Trees meet at the roots and so are never apart, no matter how separate the trunk. Angel body of dark fire. I do understand the spiral of twins. Moon inside from when we died, I heard goodbye but always knew you’d come back as a mystical bird…Garuda the deep, flying under worlds and over heavens, bringing fire for the sky.
      Star rain really…โค๏ธ๐Ÿโค๏ธ

        1. not a machine- musically-
          but sung clearly, in tune and with a
          structure that’s cohesive. Even Conor
          Oberst must do this to be heard for his
          feelings…that’s what Baba meant. He is a musical master, you missed the point entirely. I hope this clarification takes you deeper- into developing a skill that sustains, contains and adequately projects your intention- I get it, I do.
          To get deeper, then, listen more deeply to truth and avoid the subtle defensive stance that leads nowhere productive, just more of the same longing and unmet soul desperation. OM, I wonder what you want, if not expertise guidance? Count your blessings then…

          1. I appreciate it. I projected/was sure to articulate. with verses and even a bridge. The only chorus I knew was the wolf howl and that’s what it was. I am telling you this to assert that I take Baba’s blessings to heart. That I feel it now. I feel how shaky I can be and am practicing strong breath.
            Om Mani Padme Hum
            Thank you, Sharada Devi, for the strength to go

          2. well you talk of death but won’t approach the calling. It’s not about the bridge etc-
            it’s first about learning to sing in tune,
            enunciate, project and deliver something of quality that can appreciate who you are.
            There is no bypassing disciplined effort and it’s not about you wanting to be or not be folk singer-
            It’s all revealing deeper character traits,
            insecurities, defensive pride- all to your detriment and in contradiction to expansion,
            transformation and depth. Baba is right.
            It’s not the way the song is written as the main issue at this time- it’s about skill development that leads to accomplishment and authority- and that’s in all offerings.
            Not to be half ass- it’s an insult to creation itself. And it’s not like with some honest awareness this couldn’t happen. It IS NOT about the style but the execution.

          3. then it doesn’t mean anything.
            listen, you can’t hear yourself
            or him- you’re missing the message.
            you need development of skills period,
            the rest is just coddling a child. So
            you get what you want. It hurts, it all hurts- change honesty growth speaking up

          4. Ps- get down and die. Ego.
            You wanted it, you got it.
            You think squirming does any good?
            there’s always somewhere else,
            besides the answer to your prayers,
            maybe you didn’t mean it, I’ve done that.
            it was bad, terrifying death.
            Prayers, be careful.

          5. Listening, after feedback,
            I can hear how off I was
            I am happy to hear how my energy is shaky (And the difference when the power is present)
            Like you said, change includes hurt.
            I can use it in my offerings, and in my day, to powerfully grow, and accomplish. Hum

          6. Thank you
            for communication that
            When I keep walking
            Into, I see myself.
            In tender light

            There is no way out. Except this

  1. Your candor is a mucho MUCHO appreciated gift. thablack you gato seรฑora. Ive started to run into monsters in the steam rooms at 24 hour fitness. Very scary and uncomfortable. I finally found a location that is some what safe.. West African Christian gas station cashier charging me to read the bible to exp. Peace. and so is the Sikh conscience store fluoride free water station. I dont want to and my mom says I need the armour of god to fend off the spiritual attacks buT Im not so sure she really knows… Thank you for real

    1. My friend! Dearest Pablo, I see you’ve met steam room monsters as well! I hope you’re fluoride free and happily armored. To ward off demons, you need the magic word and the sword of immortals. You’ve got that!

  2. “Lion, eat my soul!”

    The Queen, Mother Light, screams “OFF WITH HER HEAD!” the words echo through my bones and the shadows begin to laugh and cackle because they know what is coming. Part panic, part relief because I, too know what’s coming. I’ve felt this before, who knows when, does it matter what time? It may have been years or centuries.

    Relief! Sweet, hot, salty, tears of surrendered bliss. This is it.

    Panic! Far too long has been spent in comfort. She flicks on the light and rips off the blankets in one motion.

    The jig is up. Time to grow up. Show up.

    The knives are being sharpened and the lion is licking his lips. The flames of the Divine in his eyes are all I can look at. Luring me in with the pureness of love.

    My head tried to tell me heart wasn’t open because I felt so much heartache. Now, I know it is pain from yearning. The desperate cry of the soul to be home. Inside the fire of the lions eyes, I will walk, knowingly with pain AND love in my heart.
    The Divine is calling so loudly, like crashing cymbals in my ears. Ignorance is not fathomable. Distraction is not available.

    Thank You for continually planting seeds even if I forgot to water them before. Whatever forms of life I may take, may I be forever at the lotus feet of the Divine
    “Om Growup Swaha”

    1. Sorry if i jumped the gun in my response before Sharada Devi-
      Sweet Abby / Durga Devi
      with the deep, deeper
      and deeply smiling eyes
      that reach into forever
      and beyond
      what beauty
      and intense passion
      is your being
      i was thinking so much of you today
      after this post
      how sweet
      was the meet of
      Here and there
      and everywhere…
      Especially , around the fire ๐Ÿ”ฅ exchanges
      of same time experiences
      Such a blessing
      Sweet memories
      i can still see you
      singing your heart out
      with SOOO much soul.
      The setting sun in your eyes
      all the while
      you boldly singing like there was
      no end to the exquisite joy
      of ethereal being
      because you know….
      there isn’t.

      btw – i love your enthusiastic response – Lion Mama
      Bold being – bold words
      ๐ŸŒŸ โค๏ธ ๐ŸŒŸ

        1. Ah… And so She is!
          – the angel with eyes of ocean blue –
          ๐ŸŒป ๐ŸŒน Bhakti Devi ๐ŸŒน ๐ŸŒป
          i like that! I thought that She should have an alternate name.
          And now am beamingly happy that you bestowed this particular one upon Her!
          Bhakti Devi – Yes!
          Pixie angel – Yes!
          Kind and golden soul-ed woman.
          My dear roommate during those days of wonderful .
          Bhakti Devi, She who lead me more than once through the dark of night
          on the unfamiliar path and saw me safely back to “hOMe”
          She who so sweetly wished me well as we parted ways.
          Yes, She is the angel with eyes of ocean blue.
          Around the fireside she so exquisitely declared aloud
          like a voiced prayer
          “Thank you trees”
          and her true heart sincerity
          made me want to weep
          with joy
          by her
          simply stated
          perfect loving respect
          and divine gratitude.
          She on one hand demure
          and on the other
          entirely strong and fearlessness bold.
          The epitome of bhakti balance.
          Such a blessing to have the gift
          of her pure sweetest heart presence during
          the days of mystic
          Shasta Shakti.
          I love you Abby / Bhakti Devi !
          Sending my deepest heartfelt greetings to You!
          A precious part of You will be with me always.
          I see you forever in my minds eye singing
          from the very depths of your being –
          “Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu.”
          And now that i know that this comment was from You –
          all the more meant –
          – i love your enthusiastic response โ€“ Lion Mama
          Bold being โ€“ Bold words
          ๐ŸŒŸ โค๏ธ ๐ŸŒŸ


          1. Someone’s on FIRE!
            Btw- another retreat oct 3-8. Mount Shasta!
            And what and why?
            STARSEED GATHERING๐Ÿ’ซโœจ๐Ÿ’ซ

          2. ๐ŸŒธ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒบ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒบ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒบ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒบ๐ŸŒน๐ŸŒธ
            Thank You Divine Mother for blessing me with such beautiful people to interact and learn from/with.
            Thank You, Radhe for your words of love! I never knew so many strangers would be embedded in my heart after 5 short/long days.

      1. jumping what gun?
        Btw- Durga devi was the harmonium player…
        this Abby is the blue eyed pixie angel who sings tears of love…as clear as midnight in heaven…

        1. jumping the gun …
          of – me making a comment before you did…
          ( Mother Superior did it )
          ๐Ÿ™„ ๐Ÿ˜‰๐Ÿ™ƒ๐Ÿ™Š

    2. singing with tears of devotion,
      Bhakti devi fills the ocean
      with song. Heart music from
      the deep soul waters of longing,
      longing to be wherever that is,
      that I might touch my heart with yours.
      I would go there and be the sand or a shell
      or the black bottom of cold icy death.
      Where nothing lives but me,
      inside of your hopeless drown love.
      Forever everywhere all at once
      just to be you, be with you.
      It doesn’t matter, it’s broken.
      Me without you, my heart all alone.
      Dying inside every word and sound,
      I give my heart to a listening God,
      whoever wherever you are,
      I am your bottom of that floor,
      step on me, cover me in you,
      as anything you desire and kill with.
      My love is your open body, my own.

      1. Thank You Dear Sri Sharada Devi for everything you have done to get you where you are now and where you are going. For being the fearless, ruthless truthful black night and beautfully loving Divine fire that pierces through all charades to the core of being with one look.
        Thank You Thank You Thank You

  3. On fire, hey- it’s the “independence day”
    any excuse for fireworks – right?
    โšก๏ธ +๐Ÿ’ฅ = ๐Ÿ”ฅ
    i am alone and it’s quiet
    and no one expects anything from me today
    HURRAY โ€ผ๏ธ
    Does there NEED to be a what and why?
    i think my name in indelibly etched on THAT invitation…
    Now the willing of the way.
    Do you think i can fully implement the power of teleportation by October?
    YAHOO โ€ผ๏ธโ€ผ๏ธ

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