Possessed. Dead on my back and listening for God.

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Along the night’s cold shut face. I couldn’t even find your eyes or a star that mattered. I have been asleep for days. The months and years have hurt me. The nightmare of my loneliness. My missing open eyes. The eyes that I can never find, to look through in this dark. To find you. Reaching for me through it all. I have asked for help and there is nobody. I have asked for love and there is only me. I am a feeling that hides deep inside. I am a feeling that knows where you are. I can find you. I will find you and open the core. I want to get away. Far away to a land that sparkles. A land filled with effortless eyes, knowing me. However far I have fallen. I could be caught there, wished upon, known for my light however hidden. You are the one who takes me far away…searching. In my sleep, I cannot rest. I am without something important and I know this. I have avoided the truth. I have been tired and weary. I have fallen into a deep disturbing sleep that I can’t shake loose. I have called out, I have screamed into this slumber and nobody hears but the ghosts that are waiting. On the other side, on the darker side. They know and only because I tell them, how to haunt me. I let them possess me. I have no one else. Even now as I lay like a corpse, remembering and yet not knowing what that means. To be alone, possessed, held down by these spirits. I’ve called them to me, fill me. Enter. Do not forget I’m still alive. Even though you’re here. Pushing through me. To help me, no one came but you. To remember. I am asleep. There is a cold front. There is a hand over my mouth that I put there. Nobody hears, nobody can. But you of course. I want to go to a land that sparkles and has a big sun. In the morning, when I get there. I will know. It’s been years, a lifetime so far. What is happening. The passing of time. How you leave me. Anyway. Even though I became dark and empty just for you. And I can’t bear the pain of this distinction. My eyes are important. It’s where I have looked far and wide, everywhere for you until I shut them. I can’t find anyone. I can’t find the pressing ghost that holds me down. Kissing death, it’s only sleep. It’s my mouth isn’t it? I’m not afraid beneath this darkness. Warm the cold. I am inside. There is a person I know who is coming. I wait. I am sleeping. There is a door that I watch. Even now, as I lay unaware that you see me. The door. It never opens. He told me there was a door with the words written right on it’s front, “I am the door.” To which I added, “Don’t forget me.” And still I fall deep into a sleep induced by unbearable pain and suffering that I could be the person, that I can’t face the door. That goes away from where I’ve hidden you, as my heart remains untouched. Possessed by unseen entities that know no tomorrow. Psychotic. Hypnotic. Completely endured. I need to see the one I pray to. To know how this fits inside while I darken. The star on the wall isn’t me. And so I ask you, “Then will you shine?” And so you say, “Why? You’re already dead.” And so I gasp and the light enters my mouth. “Finally my love, you are here.” “It’s been forever.”

“Yes. He is coming.” I whisper into the room still¬†asleep and alone and untouched….and through my window someone watches the door, anyway. Either way. Possessed and in love.¬†With only a feeling, embodied. Either way. Dead on my back listening for God.

Sharada Devi

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2 thoughts on “Possessed. Dead on my back and listening for God.”

  1. dark prophesy
    deep reed
    my eyes, losing the luster of clear focus on this intangible plane
    probably better…
    the illusion
    distorted
    as well it should be.
    the unreal veil
    covered over
    like the spider webs
    intricately woven
    outside my bathroom window
    “whisk ”
    now vanished…
    with the flick of a broken branch switch
    a living thing giving it’s life
    to take away another…
    just like this ephemeral space of being.
    i am Gopal
    i am the Great Mother Cow
    of eternal eye gaze endurance
    deep dark pupil to pupil connection
    cosmic reflection
    blessed with a boundless countenance of reassurance
    i am life everlasting
    i am nothing
    i am everything
    i am the Y
    of Yin and Yang
    the nucleus of the galaxy
    the Divine Mother Milky Way
    neatly carved
    within the true heart center
    Rama’s arrow
    strung and flung
    pearce me and i will rise again
    ageless
    eternal
    sparkle on the lake
    below the sun made of honey

    1. yes it’s true. I like this, how the truth says it all. How you read between the lines
      without reading. Only knowing the web, yes it’s true. We destroy ourselves, because it’s all that’s left to do. Just a song,
      a hand held in the breeze. Makes a faint breaking sound, like the killer heart.
      “And I did it to know you.” That’s what I heard, what else? But this, it’s that timeless voice, that shadow box, thst seduces and blinds and creates all we do,
      all we can, all we are. Just a spider.
      White with 1,000 legs. Is the truth.

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